I'm freezing my bum off in Siglap Starbucks and my brain is on ultimate over-drive. It is possibly the worst combination ever. I feel like my whole body is in a completely different dimension, like I'm invisible. Cool ey?

Today's performance was... just okay. Which sucked by my standards, so I'm really disappointed in myself. I feel like I've let my team down. Sorry guys. Recently, I've been getting a lot of reports and comments based on my leadership qualities(or should i say lackthereof) and all that other stuff and it messing with the way I think.. and I'm just going to say it:

I feel extremely failed as an exco member.

I really am not that role model or leader they expected me to be. I'm seeing my flaws for what they are, and I'm disgusted at myself. It's such a tough thing to admit but I do admit that I need to be a better friend to you all. I want to sort out my life and get back on track... I need to stop slipping!

I had lunch with couple of a12 girls today, and it was insightful and very chilled. But it really made me think about everything was said... It's got my mind in overdrive.

BUT, I am really thankful for this school year so far because I really realised how much I value A12 and the people around me, cause you guys allow me to be me while still being able to tolerate my nonsense. OH! and hats off to CT council for a fabulous Friendship day! Frolick, the Open-mike concept; I really enjoyed it. You guys really are amazing as councillors. :) The A12 boys were insanely sweet; getting flowers for all the girls. Cat said it, this really is our last chance to be able to hang like this in our bubble of contentment, let's really exploit every moment of this year guys, I love you.

Life right now is just like the weather, utterly unpredictable and erratic: it is tiring and frustrating but ultimately, satisfying when the sun hits my face.. even if it's just for a second. So despite my mood right now, I think I'll be able to survive the next month more cause of you guys.

There's so much going on in my heart right now, I just wish I could explain it but I just can't seem to articulate myself. Growl. I guess those teachers were right, I am a pretty idiotic girl. haha. I've been pushed down and knocked about for the later time of 2009 and the past month and a bit of 2010, I'm going to make that change. I have to.

I'm not to be used and treated so horribly by you... it's not fair to any human being to have to tolerate the way you've been acting. NO ONE deserves shit like that, not even you plus, you were the last person i ever expected to give it to me.

Well, mum did warn me:

Life is never fair.

xxx kim