I'm suddenly solely convinced I'm not good enough for him and maybe you're right, you are better. But maybe that's just the stress talking, I really don't know. Thinking back to all the unspoken things that had occurred between us in the beginning, it really wasn't right. It makes me wonder why? Am I really that awful? It's as if I've gotten an epiphany of a negative sort and it's secretly eating away at me.

I also refuse to put my blog and facebook on a hiatus and take away my two main avenues of stress relief. Plus, if i can control my procrastination, it's alright. What I need to get straight though is my awful sleeping hours that seem to be all over the place! :(

I took 197 home today from his place.
The 1 hour 12min bus ride allowed me some breathing time to myself to reflect and think about a whole lot of things. As we all know, promotional exams are up and coming and majority of us feel, well, royally screwed. I'm no exception to this feeling though I feel like it's being amplified with my constant need to over think every bloody thing. I miss the honey-moon months, where ignorance was truly bliss. When you didn't feel guilty not handing in an essay or skipping lectures/tutorials.. 2 years are most definitely not long enough a period to do what they have planned for us and what we wish for ourselves. I feel like I'm going to be shoved to the bone by the end of it all and I just keep wishing I could wipe away this all resounding feeling of regret and turmoil that seems to reside in the depths of my conscience.

I spent a fraction of my time contemplating time, and it's limits, what it means, how it pushes us to our very limits but it made me sorely miss the days where life wasn't a constant race against time. The bus passed by many different streets which I hadn't noticed before (because usually I'm fast asleep) and I just longed to get off the bus and just explore each and every bistro, thrift shop and alley. But alas, we are not that blessed with that luxury of time. It made me wonder how things would be different if we had all the time in the world, what implications it would cause on how we look at our lives. It made me realise that we may yearn for such luxuries but they come at a cost... and I really have to set my priorities right for next year.

I need to set out to do what is necessary and not stray too far. I need to stop thinking about redundant stuff that preoccupies majority of my brain space that could be used for containing information that will help me pass the upcoming promotional examinations. And I need to block out the things that may distract me. So, I'm sorry if I seem out of it, I need to get it together. Really.



It's time to stop fooling around Kimberly Chan.
Set yourself straight...
Get serious, and fast.